Akabane's The Apprentice
by Insanity on Wheels
Summary: Donald Trump had his then Martha Stewart, so what could happen with this crossover in which random people are selected to become interns of the cunning Doctor Jackal? Disclaimer: Don't own them.


Akabane's: The Apprentice

DISCLAMIMER: If I owned it…you'd know me.

Akabane: Greetings one and all to my "Apprentice". Of course Donald Trump has his and now Martha Stewart, so I decided that it would be fun to make one of my own. Nothing in here of course is owned by anyone other than Rando Ayamine and Yuya Aoki. That is, anything that's the GetBackers part anyway………………………………

Episode One: Meet The Contestants

Akabane: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the very first episode of my Apprentice. The lucky winner at the end of all of this gets the wonderful opportunity to be murdered by me lest I change my mind. But they don't know that. They believe that like any other Apprentice show, they will get the chance to succeed me in some sort of business. Too bad no one can be as great and hated Transporter as I. And here are our contestants…

(A large lightened projector comes out of nowhere with a list of names on the wall.)

Akabane: As I read off the names, let's have a one on one conference with each of them shall we? First on the list…Ginji-kun!

Ginji: (Walks timidly to the stage)

Akabane: Hi there Ginji-kun! How are you?

Ginji: Scared…

Akabane: Oh that's alright. You won't be scared by the time introductions are over.

Ginji: What makes you say that?

Akabane: Oh, I just have the feeling is all. Now, on to questioning!

Ginji: Questioning?

Akabane: Yes! But of course! First question! What in gods name possessed you to come onto this show?

Ginji: o.o You held scalpels to my neck and forced me to come on!

Akabane: Of course I did! Why don't I seem to remember that? (shrugs) Oh well! Next question! Are you aware that you will be staying in a house with other people?

Ginji: Um….yes…..

Akabane: What if I were in that same house?

Ginji: OO

Akabane: Speechless eh? Where were you on the night of the 14th?

Ginji: HUH? O.O

Akabane: Today is the fourteenth Ginji-kun. Keep up! You're supposed to answer "here". Ahem…anyway! You didn't answer the previous question!

Ginji: (shivers) I would be even more…scared….x.x

Akabane: Don't be! I won't be in the same place, however you all will be on camera for the world to see! This interview is over Ginji-kun.

Ginji: (relieved yet confused, walks out into the "Conference Hall" to which all the contestants will meet one another once interviews are done.)

Akabane: Next contestant…Ban Midou!

Ban: (Walks out) Where the fuck am I?

Akabane: On my Apprentice show!

Ban: THE HELL? I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!

Akabane: Too late! you're on and now one of the contestants. Too bad if you thought this was for something else. (Coughs)

Ban: BASTARD! YOU SIGNED ME UP DIDN'T YOU?

Akabane: Now, now! I am the one asking questions. What in gods name possessed you to come onto this show?

Ban: I DIDN'T! YOU SIGNED ME UP! (mumbles foul language)

Akabane: Would you be comfortable living in a house with many other strangers?

Ban: HELL NO!

Akabane: GREAT! Now let's see…will you swear to not use the Jagan on any other contestant unless I say so?

Ban: I can't make any promises…

Akabane: I see. This interview is over. You may now report to the Conference Hall to meet up with the first contestant while I speak with the third.

Ban: Whatever! (Walks into the room with the label over it reading "Conference Hall")

In the Conference Room…

Ginji: Ban-chan!

Ban: Ginji? You're on this wacky show too? How the hell did you get here?

Ginji: o.o Aka made me! (sobs)

Back in the main room…

Akabane: The third contestant, Miss Hevn! Please come in!

Miss Hevn: (Enters) So this is what you're doing to pass time hm? You know I could be getting you work rather than you doing this show.

Akabane: I think I'll stick with this show thank you.

Miss Hevn: Good luck with that…anywho, I'm supposed to be questioned?

Akabane: Yes of course. My first question for all of the contestants…what in gods name possessed you to come onto this show?

Miss Hevn: I like new experiences.

Akabane: That's nice hon. Next question, how would you like living in a house with many other people?

Miss Hevn: Depends on if I get any space. If I do, then I'll like it, and of course if there are any hotties around.

Akabane: Now what if I told you the GetBackers are on this show?

Miss Hevn: They'll screw things up, but it'll be laughable in the end.

Akabane: I see. So you're the "It doesn't matter as long as I have fun and no one gets in my way" type. Interesting….we're through. Go on to the Conference Hall.

Hevn: (Walks on out)

Akabane: Next contestant…Shido Fuyuki!

Shido: (Gruffs and walks in)

Akabane: Hi!

Shido: Uh…hi…

Akabane: You know I never talk to you.

Shido: And I don't talk to you….

Akabane: So why are you on this show?

Shido: My girlfriend Madoka said that it would be fun if I got on tv…

Akabane: Madoka…let me see…the violin mastermind?

Shido: Yeah that's her.

Akabane: I see. So she wants you to get off your toosh and get a job and be known publicly just like her but she lied and covered it up to you by saying that it would be fun if you got on television.

Shido: WHAT? SHE'S NOT LIKE THAT!

Akabane: Well don't shout at me. She's the blind one, That should be at least a clue. I mean, the girl doesn't even know what a television looks like. Next question! Why do you dress like a hobo?

Shido: THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING ON THIS SHOW! AND I DO NOT!

Akabane: On task I see. Well then, next question! How would you feel if you lived in a crowded apartment under the same roof as a lot of fine looking females?

Shido: I wouldn't cheat on Madoka…if that's what you're implying!

Akabane: This is over! Go to the Conference Hall to meet with the first few contestants.

In the Conference Hall…

Ban: Hey Hevn! I didn't know you'd be here too!

Hevn: I had a hunch that you two would be here.

Ginji: Yeah! Ban-chan and I were wondering if maybe everyone we know will be on this show!

Hevn: Everyone…oh god…

Ginji: What is it?

Hevn: Nothing, it's nothing.

Shido: (walks in) Well if it isn't snake for brains…

Ban: OH HELL NO! I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MONKEY BOY?

Ginji: OO Maybe I was right…it's all people we know.

Hevn: Maybe the Jackal's making this one big get together for everybody. I don't mean to be mean but I doubt that the man could exactly throw together a party.

Ginji: So you mean he's doing this for the sake of having everyone together?

Ban and Shido: (Arguing and fighting in the background)

Hevn: Will you too cut it out? The next contestant could come in at any minute. And we have no idea if we know them or not. Sheesh! You guys would make me look bad…

Ginji: Impression Ban-chan! First impression is important!

Ban: (sneers) I'll give you a first impression! (tackles Ginji)

Shido: HEY SNAKE FOR BRAINS! YOU GOT THE WRONG PERSON!

Meanwhile…

Akabane: Kazuki Fuchoin!

Kazuki: (walks in)

Akabane: Hello there.

Kazuki: Hi!

Akabane: I never talk to you, you know that…

Kazuki: I know. (Blushes)

Akabane: So what possessed you to come onto this show?

Kazuki: Oh it wasn't my idea. I got a phone call from Ginji, Ban, Shido, and Miss Hevn. All of them said that I should come on so I decided to come on.

Akabane: And when did you get this phone call?

Kazuki: Just recently.

Akabane: Do you believe it a coincidence that they all called you consecutive times?

Kazuki: Well…I knew there was something fishy about it. They must all be on this same show. I mean it was too obvious. They're probably back there arguing since it's those four after all. Ban and Shido don't get along that much and Ginji and Miss Hevn would be trying to stop them.

Akabane: Have you ever heard of Miss Cleo?

Kazuki: I'm sorry, who?

Akabane: Never mind. Next question…how would you like being in a crowded apartment as long as you live on this show?

Kazuki: I wouldn't mind.

Akabane: What if there was only one bathroom?

Kazuki: OO (stutters) O-only…..one….ba…bathroom?

Akabane: Indeed.

Kazuki: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD! THAT'S HORRIBLE BEYOND COMPREHENSION!

Akabane: Uno bano! (bano – actually has a symbol over the "n" and is Spanish for bathroom. And we had no idea that Akabane knew Spanish ne? Wonder what else he's hiding from us!)

Kazuki: (is having a panic attack) SOMEONE WILL U-USE MY HAIR PRODUCTS! I-I WOULD HAVE TO SHARE THEM! A CROWEDED APARTMENT! A MINIMUM AMOUNT OF HAIR PRODUCTS! (starts crying)

Akabane: There there…I'm sure your hair products aren't that expensive.

Kazuki: (glares and sniffles)

Akabane: What do you want a hug?

Kazuki: (nods)

Akabane: Well I don't give hugs.

Kazuki: (straightens up and tries to keep his cool) I'm done with questions…(dashes out to the conference hall)

Akabane: (looks towards the camera) He'll be alright….now on with the next contestant! It's no other than Haruki Emishi!

Emishi: (Walks on out and stops midway)

Akabane: Why Emishi! What's wrong!

Emishi: (Walks in very slowly, obviously scared of Akabane and not wanting to be close)

Akabane: Aww! No need to be afraid. Ginji-kun was the same way and you don't hear him screaming in pain!

Emishi: (gulps) Ok…..so go on and ask me questions….

Akabane: All of your friends are in the Conference Hall waiting for you. So why are you here anyway if you are so scared of me?

Emishi: I (gulp) came b-because I thought that I could be the funny guy…in the house…

Akabane: I'll bet you didn't think it involved interviews.

Emishi: (shakes his head)

Akabane: What is it about me that makes me so scary?

Emishi: Do I really have to answer?

Akabane: No, that's not a real question that I had. Ah wait…now what would you do if I lived under the same roof? If I, shall we say shared a room with you? Or perhaps Shido….?

Emishi: OO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Gets up and runs out, surprisingly straight into the Conference Hall)

Akabane: Too bad I'm not. (Laughs aloud) Next contestant is Hera, a former acquaintance/client of mine! Oh joy!

Hera: (walks out) you don't need to ask me why I'm here.

Akabane: And why is that?

Hera: I came here to see the successful owner of this television show.

Akabane: I see. Well I can skip that question. How did you hear about the show?

Hera: I saw a commercial.

Akabane: Oh that one…(thinks for a moment) Not one of the best…might I add. The cameraman died mysteriously.

Hera: It was to me.

Akabane: Next question! Would you be comfortable in an apartment full of strangers?

Hera: Will you be there?

Akabane: Afraid not.

Hera: Well I guess I can adjust…as long as none of them remind me of…(makes an evil face) HIM!

Akabane: (slides his chair back just a tad bit) I fear you may be on menstrual…

Hera: (goes back to being the calm lady) Huh?

Akabane: So anyway…what do you think of having to share everything with people you don't know?

Hera: Well they don't know about…HIM! And they can't bother me about HIM! So as long as things go smoothly, I will act accordingly.

Akabane: (starting to believe that she's on heavy flow) Ok! (sweatdrops) It was nice talking to you again Hera! Why don't you just go on ahead into the Conference Room with the other contestants while I talk some sense…I mean just talk to someone else!

Hera: (walks on out)

Akabane: (looks to camera) I thought she would eat me alive with that death glare of hers. Thought I wouldn't feel a thing if it was one of the other contestants… now…next is…oh lord…

Kite: (walks out) WHERE'S HERA?

Akabane: If it isn't the King of heroin…and why does this drug addict bestow his presence on my show?

Kite: I came here to see HERA! HERA HERA HERA HERA!

Akabane: Lower your voice! You don't have to be that loud. Anyway…I believe that you dumped Hera for heroin.

Kite: HERA! (runs into the conference room)

Akabane: (shakes his head) I believe he's getting eliminated first. The next contestant is…Miss Himiko Kudo.

Himiko: Akabane! I came onto this show to have a one on one talk with you!

Akabane: Well isn't that convenient…

Himiko: I didn't want to be on this show! But I got a letter in the mail yesterday saying that if I didn't I'd see what it would be like if it rained scalpels…did you write it…?

Akabane: Sheesh, the letter was adequately written…

Himiko: SO YOU DID WRITE IT?

Akabane: I wouldn't have written something that…well…poor…

Himiko: It doesn't matter!

Akabane: So you marched all the way here just to yell at innocent me for sending you a finely typed letter about the consequences of not coming onto my show?

Himiko: AH HAH! YOU ADMITTED!

Akabane: Whether I did or not, you're acting just like Shido. I dare say that you've gone to a new low.

Himiko: (lowers her voice since she was roaring after all) I have not!

Akabane: Dear, you're on camera…I hope you know that with this being the first episode and all, airing live of course, you'll look like the antagonist of the show. And of course the many viewers will be voting on their favorite interns…

Himiko: Interns? What do I need to be an intern for? I'm already a fellow Transporter.

Akabane: But don't you see? You could be greater if you won the show! Give yourself a name!

Himiko: I already have one…

Akabane: I meant in the Transporting industry. I mean…how would it feel to be more popular than Hevn?

Himiko: OO ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Akabane: (smiles) dead serious….!

Himiko: OK! I'm on!

Akabane: (whispers) So this is who Hevn didn't' want under the same roof…

Himiko: Hm?

Akabane: Nothing…you can go on into the Conference Hall to meet your fellow contestants.

Himiko: (Skips over to the door and walks in happily)

Akabane: Maybe I put her dreams too high? (Hears angry female voices from the Conference Hall) Yep…definitely…I guess she had a fit when she saw Hevn already there. (Takes out a T-Shirt reading "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken" and hangs it off of his lap to illustrate a point as more shouts are heard) The next contestant goes by the alias of Clayman.

Clayman: (eyes the T-shirt, figuring that something must have happened) Ahem…it's nice to meet you.

Akabane: Nice to meet you too. You seem to be sane! This is quite the surprise.

Clayman: Is it that the other contestants cannot handle being in the same room?

Akabane: You hear the arguing.

Clayman: Ah, and I decided to say why I am here. I heard from a reliable source that someone else would be here. So I decided to be there for them.

Akabane: Interesting. I hope you know that by being on television like this, you've publicly displayed that you are the infamous art thief known to be Clayman.

Clayman: I figure that while being on this show, I will be protected.

Akabane: By whom?

Clayman: By you of course.

Akabane: How so?

Clayman: Police come bursting in to ruin your show, you take a hit, and I doubt that you would want to take such a hit so candidly. You see, if I go down then so does your reputation.

Akabane: And what if I didn't care?

Clayman: Oh but you must! Without a worthy reputation, you wouldn't get many jobs, no entertainment…

Akabane: So you're making a secreted deal with the likes of innocent me?

Clayman: Of course. However, there's one thing that I forgot to mention.

Akabane: And what's that?

Clayman: How do you know that I don't wear a mask?

Akabane: Shall I cut your face and exercise that theory?

Clayman: I don't think it's necessary…I hear you have deadly accuracy… though you are the type to miss on purpose…

Akabane: I didn't even get to ask you any questions show related, but I'll let it slide this time. Go on into the Conference Hall.

Clayman: Alright then…it's established that I am apart of this show. I thank you for your generosity.

Akabane: No no no! Thank you.

Clayman: (goes to the Conference Hall)

Meanwhile…back to after Shido came in…

Hevn: Still arguing…

Kazuki: (runs in, slamming the door like an angered child)

Ginji: Kazu-chan? O.o

Kazuki: (turns around) o-o I was right…you guys are other contestants…well others anyway. (Blinks at Ban and Shido) They never quit…

Hevn: You look like you've been crying…what's wrong?

Kazuki: v.v I'd rather not talk about it…(Sits on the floor hugging knees)

Ginji: (sits next to him) Come on!

Kazuki: Hevn would understand more than you would Ginji…

Ginji: You could give it a shot!

Kazuki: Ok…(sighs) The alleged **_host_** said that there would only be one bathroom in the apartment…(sobs)

Hevn: (grieves) I completely understand.

Kazuki: (cries) I don't want to share my hair products with anyone!

Hevn: Me neither…

Ginji: o.o Kazu-chan was right…I wouldn't get it.

Ban and Shido: (stopped fighting due to a crying Kazuki)

Shido: Is he ok?

Hevn: Oh you finally took the time to notice! He's not hurt, just very upset. (pats Kazuki on the shoulder)

Ginji: It'll be ok Kazu-chan! I'll make sure no one touches your hair products!

Ban: I'll bet ol' Jackal boy gave him a scare with that one…

Kazuki: Thank you Ginji…that's very nice of you. It made me feel all better.

Ginji: That's what friends are for!

Hevn: Though I do like the smell of your shampoo…

Kazuki: OO DON'T YOU USE IT!

Hevn: . I won't!

Ban: I wonder how this day could get worse..

All: (hear a voice) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (See Emishi run in)

Shido: It just got worse…I think…

Emishi: (opens the door and slams it, panting)

Shido: We've already seen one hissy fit…why do you of all people have one?

Emishi: He said I wasn't funny?

Ban: But you aren't! He's only telling the truth!

Emishi: I know I'm funny! (makes a goofy grin)

Ban: Your jokes are as old as your shoes…

Emishi: Don't make me whip you.

Kazuki: Please don't fight!

Shido: (turns around) whatever

Hera: (dashes in, slams the door behind her)

Ginji: That poor door…

Hevn: A door doesn't have feelings! nn

Hera: GetBackers!

Ginji: Hi Hera! How are you? ' Long time no see!

Hera: I'm…frustrated right now…please…I'd like to be alone. After I know who all these other people are…

Ban: Ok, you know Ginji, I'm Ban…that's Monkey Boy alias Shido, (hears a grrr), that's Miss Hevn, Emishi, and Kazuki. They're all friends of ours…

Emishi: OO AND ARE YOU THE BEAUTY OF THE BLOCK!

Hevn: (gets a little agitated)

Kazuki: (pats Hevn on her back)

Hera: …Leave me be…um…Emishi…

Emishi: Hehe, she won't be saying that when I actually try to sweet talk her!

Kite: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERA! (Dashes in)

Hera: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! (tackles and fights Kite)

Kite: (shrieks)

Himiko: (Walks in and growls at Hevn)

Hevn: Why if it isn't the flat-chested mop head…

Himiko: Why if it isn't the blonde bimbo!

Ban: …….. (Is now wearing a referee outfit)

Ginji: (leads Kazuki away from the brawling folks, to sit and aid his sobbing friend)

Shido: I should be stopping this…(shrugs, and gets a seat to watch)

Meanwhile…

Akabane: MakubeX, do you know why you're here?

MakubeX: To be on this show of course. If all of my friends are here, then I should be too.

Akabane: You came from your, location for this event? A little surprising that you are here by yourself for once.

MakubeX: I'm not here to win…so, no need to be offensive and bring bodyguards or anything…I mean even Sakura decided that it was good for me to get out.

Akabane: (yawns) Alright…you can go on into the battle royal in the Conference Room…

MakubeX: (Goes in armed with laptop)

In the Conference Room:

Clayman: (wearing a referee suit as well as Ban)

MakubeX: (walks in) OO THE HECK?

Ginji: Take a seat and popcorn?

Kazuki: They should stop fighting!

Shido: Nah, leave them at it…

Meanwhile…

Akabane: Well I figured that one Kakei was coming if not the other. Go on Jubei…I know that you came here for Kazuki only since you are his physician…

Jubei: Ok….um…thanks? (Walks into the Conference Room)

Akabane: Sheesh, I should just skip the conferences with people that I do know. Ah! This next person I don't! Ok, may someone by the name of Wrath please come out.

Wrath: (The homunculus from Fullmetal Alchemist alright 3 Steps out all timid like)

Akabane: You are just a child…I wonder…why are you here?

Wrath: My…mo…master made me!

Akabane: And who would that be?

Wrath: (whispers) I can't say…

Akabane: I…see…

Dante: (Watching from a distance, just waiting for him to mess up)

Akabane: Well how do you feel about being on television?

Wrath: Really sorry…

Akabane: Oh?

Wrath: (whimpers) To be around all these stupid humans!

Akabane: Hm….stupid humans…well welcome aboard Wrath, that kind of attitude will get you far in here.

Wrath: (nods all slow like)

Akabane: Now, where are you from?

Wrath: I CAN'T SAY!

Akabane: Alright…then…why is your name Wrath?

Wrath: I CAN'T SAY!

Akabane: Well then, I see any further questions would be in vain…go on into the Conference Room…

Wrath: (goes to the room)

Akabane: Next up is Malik Ishtar…

Malik: (Walks out with the millennium rod in hand) Grumble grumble grumble…

Akabane: Why hello there…Malik I believe it is…it's very nice to meet you.

Malik: Yeah whatever...(obviously possessed by his yami)

Akabane: If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a few questions…

Malik: ASK OR I SEND YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM!

Akabane: …riiight…anyway…why are you on this show?

Malik: Here with someone else! The hell does it look like? Ask Bakura…!

Akabane: Now I know how to properly pronounce the next name…at least…

Malik: The hell should I be here for anyway? (walks on into the conference room)

Akabane: Well, that was very rude…and next is Bakura…

Bakura: (walks out, skipping any formal greeting, and looking for Malik)

Akabane: Are you Bakura?

Bakura: (having the millennium ring around his neck) You want to make something of it?

Akabane: (points) your friend went in there…

Bakura: (goes into the conference room)

Akabane: Next is…Kenshin Himura…

Kenshin: (Walks out)

Akabane: Good lord the man wears pink and white…

Kenshin: Konnichiwa!

Akabane: (lifts a brow) Hello to you too…now are you lost?

Kenshin: Oro? No…! Isn't this the show called Akabane's the Apprentice?

Akabane: I am Akabane in the flesh.

Kenshin: Then I'm in the right place. You see…Miss Kaoru wanted me to be here…that she did.

Akabane: And how exactly did you get here?

Kenshin: I have no idea…that I don't.

Akabane: As I can see…anyway…um…what do you suppose are your expectations of the other people, since you will of course be living with them until you are either eliminated or win?

Kenshin: I think that they'll be nice to me. After all, I am only a rurouni…!

Akabane: (nods) I've now grown tired and bored of these one on one conversations. You may go on into the Conference Room…

Kenshin: Where is that?

Akabane: Go into those doors over there…

Kenshin: (Goes on in)

Akabane: Next! Naruto! (sees him) Oh…great…

Naruto: (walks on out) Hi! I'll answer every question and…

Akabane: I actually decided to skip that. Go on into the Conference Hall. Heh, I should get a nickel for everytime "Conference Hall/Room" is repeated…

Naruto: (shrugs and goes on in)

Akabane: Now, the last person on the list…Luffy…

Luffy: This isn't the Grand Line…

Akabane: Have you any idea where you are?

Luffy: Nope!

Akabane: Wonderful! Now go in there…

Luffy: (shrugs and goes in)

Akabane: (Goes on into the Conference Room himself) Now that I have gathered you all there! There are a few latebirds…

Lan and Megaman: (rush in) Sorry we're late!

Jakotsu: (walks in late but casual, playing it cool for the cute guys around, blows Ban a kiss)

Akabane: I accept your apology. Anyway…you are all gathered here on my apprentice show for either one reason or another. I just want you all to know that the weeks of hell that you will go through isn't my fault. Any questions…?


End file.
